what’s in a name?

If you listed what the general public likes most about roller derby, chances are the funny/punny names would rank high, albeit behind the fast-paced action and short skirts. But a lot of work goes into finding and securing a good derby name.

For skaters, refs, announcers and visible NSOs, choosing a name is an enjoyable part of the process. It often reflects some nature of your personality, outward appearance, real name and/or a team or regional reference. Certified Public Assassin works as a CPA. Von Diesel can move blockers like an 18-wheeler. J-Rock-It brings the speed. Short Fuze shows a lot of emotion and is, er, not that tall. Some names, like Abbie Cadaver and Mass-O-Kiss-Tic Mandy, may be less obvious in their genesis, but are just plain fun to say.

Or, if you prefer to leave it to chance, or just want to be amused for a few minutes, there’s the Random Rollergirl Name Generator.

That’s the fun part, even if sometimes it takes a while to settle on a good name. The challenging part is seeing if someone else has registered your name, or something similar. You surf, with high hopes, to TwoEvils.com’s Master Roster for a list of registered names, and sometimes deal with the crushing realization that someone has already that cool handle. Then back to the drawing board …

As a real-life professor, I wanted to work the professor shtick into announcing — maybe talk about things like leverage, momentum, physics, etc., albeit in an accessible way. And I’d be able to wear one of those tweed jackets with elbow pads.

Something like Professor Payne would have been neat, but that’s taken. I thought of Professor Plum, as in Clue, but I don’t look good in that color and it sounds a bit too much like “Professor Plump.” So I’ve settled on Professor Plutonium, which honors two of our town’s major industries — education and nuclear power. (That latter being more of a taboo topic right now.) Plus, people can call me “Prof” or “Pluto” for short.

After all that, you start finding yourself calling folks by their derby names instead of their real names. It can get a bit confusing, but it’s all part of the fun!